Cuts to a shot of the ring where, to somewhat rapturous and appreciative crowd applause, the familiar intro to the ol’ ECW TV show gets played…
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Let the bodies hit the floor.
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YEAAAAAHHHH!!
The crowd erupt in a mixture of booing and cheers, but mainly cheers, as Paul Heyman appears as if by osmosis on to the stage and proceeds to waddle (he’d call it “striding”) to the ring, all suited and booted in his best suit from a charity shop from a nice street, and what seems to be a genuine smile on his face.
JR: Ladies and Gentlemen, my broadcast colleague Paul Heyman is about to host an impromptu in-ring tribute to one of the greatest wrestlers in TWOStars, a man who needs no introduction, a man who is already a walking, talking, often blood-splattered legend.
Heyman gets to the ring and, defying basic physics, ambles in to the ring.
JR: …although quite why Paul Heyman felt he had to walk behind the backstage curtain, have music play, walk back down to the ring, only to then sit next to me afterwards…is beyond ol’ JR folks. Me? I’m just a simple man from Oklahoma. Maybe he’s been in this industry for too long?
The “E-C-Dub” theme quits and Heyman stands in the middle of the ring, smirking like a cat that got the cream. Some of the crowd try to begin a “Heyman Sucks” chant, but they quickly give up.
PH: Oh, the apathetic indifference of the modern wrestling mark.
The crowd boo this statement. Heyman smiles again.
PH: What? You’re NOT marks? How do you come to that conclusion? You schlubs know as much about this industry today as those redneck no-marks knew back in the 70’s, heh heh! I have forgotten more about this industry than you will ever know.
JR: That’s probably right, y’know folks.
Heyman looks to the announce table.
PH: Did I just see your lips, move, JR? No doubt you just had something cutting and dry to say about Paul Heyman just then.
JR just shakes his head sadly (although you’ll have to take my word for that).
PH: Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to host this tribute to one of the single most iconic and legendary still-working wrestlers in TWOStars history. A man who, after leaving his home town in England over 15 years ago in search of fame and glory, now stands at the very top of his profession, in the limelight, and still striking fear in to his opponents. The man is a singles, a tag team and a faction legend…ladies and gentlemen I give you…Sickness!!
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The crowd pop and cheers spectacularly loudly as “Suicide Is Painless” kicks in and Sickness, wearing his usual white t-shirt, blue denim shorts and black boots, strides on to the stage, carrying a very-much opened bottle of Maker’s Mark.
JR: Sickness has been a bonafide legend in TWOStars for a few years now; what Paul Heyman says is true, and the man has got one hell of a life story!
Sickness slaps hands with a few fans before making his way to the ring and sliding in under the bottom rope. Sickness approaches Heyman and the two men shake a wary hand. Heyman nods his respect, and Sickness takes a swig of his bourbon. “Suicide Is Painless” fades out.
PH: Sickness, I have done a lot in the wrestling industry and I have achieved far more than most people, for what it’s worth-
JR: (yawwwwn)
PH: But there’s not much I am more proud of than making the decision to bring you to the ERE and letting you loose on an unsuspecting locker room.
Heyman smiles to himself.
PH: Hell yeah, that was a fantastic decision by Paul Heyman. However, you must know that I am MORE proud of what I did with ECW than I am of you, but hey, that’s just me.
Sickness just looks at Heyman, unsure of what to do. Sickness looks to the crowd with a blank stare. The crowd laugh.
JR: Good start, Paul.
PH: Sickness, someone backstage respects the hell out of you so much they have decided to reward you with this little show. We’ve got a few of your old friends waiting backstage to see you again, to say hello, and to say a few words about your career.
Sickness looks pleased with this and claps his hands excitedly a couple of times. Heyman says a few words of his own.
PH: Since getting a break in your local federation, the LWL, back in Doncaster England, wrestling as Janus, you quickly established yourself as a tremendous talent. You were strong, resilient, knew a lot of moves, and understood the very nature of what gets crowds flocking to watch wrestling. You were a promoter’s wet dream!
Sickness smiles and nods slightly.
PH: You met a scrawny young valet and taught him how to wrestle, that man would go on to become TWOStars World Heavyweight Champion himself…
The crowd EXPLODE at the very slight mention, the hinting if you will, of Boyo.
Crowd: BOYO! BOYO! BOYO! BOYO!
PH: Yeah, and this guy trained him!
Heyman points at Sickness and keeps gesturing towards him.
PH: After leaving the LWL, you had a brief stint in Eric Bischoff’s Extreme Wrestling Association where you met you met Iagan Hellshound and Spiritchaser - two more wrestlers who would shape your life before all four of you moved on Japan to compete as a faction. That faction was called - how can we ever forget it? - Regeneration X!
The crowd pops HUGE with nostalgia for the very mention of the now-legendary faction that held the world’s attention for a couple of years before splitting up.
PH: From Japan and back to the US and it was me, it was Paul Heyman, who took a gamble on not just you but three of the faction of four (Spiritchaser retired).
Sickness looks at Heyman and nods in recognition. It’s not as if Heyman is lying after all.
PH: After I had renamed you “Sickness” and put you in a tag team with Boyo, and called that tag team “The Dark Alliance”, your career really took off!
JR: Nice to see Paul Heyman remaining humble throughout all this, folks…
PH: You fought for gold, you took on ERE legends, you moved to TWOStars and your career went stratospheric. And now look at you, standing here, enjoying life, and being rewarded with your own tribute show….the last standing member of your old faction, Regeneration X!
A lot of the crowd cheer this, a few Boyo-fans boo, but most of the applause is sustained and fan-of-whoever-or-not, most people actually get to their feet and prolong a generous, hearty applause out of respect and admiration of this wrestling icon.
JR: That’s nice to see, folks. Fans young and old standing up to pay respect to Sickness. Love him or hate him, you’ve got to damned-well respect the man.
PH: So, without further ado, let me introduce our first guest. He’s a man, yeah definitely a man…who used to be your tag-team partner. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome one half of The Flaming Dark…Jaycey Baby!!!
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The thumping beats of a disco-ey Felix Da Housecat scenester house track kicks in and a flamboyantly-dressed black man flip-flops down to the ring in a cloud of confetti and perfume. THE CROWD EXPLODE!
JR: Oh, now there’s a blast from the past! Jason LaRoque, otherwise known as Jaycey Baby. One of the most flamboyant and original superstars ever to grace TWOStars.
Jaycey gets to the ring and sashays towards Heyman and Sickness. Jaycey and Sickness hug and Sickness slaps the back of LaRoque. Heyman shoves a mic in Jaycey’s face. Felix Da Housecat fades out.
PH: Jason, you formed one half of one of the most respected, if short-lived, tag teams in TWOStars history. Tell the watching world about Sickness. What was he like to work with?
JLR: Well in this industry, I’ve learned two things, sugar. One, I’ve learned that Jim Ross has a plethora, an absolute reservoir, of euphemistic references to my hom*osexual tendencies. Yes, JR, I’m “flamboyant”, I’m “original”, I’m “unique” and I’m “creative”…I’m also “gay”. Say it! SAY IT!! Heh heh.
JR: Sorry folks, we appear to be having some technical difficulties.
JLR: The other thing I’ve learned is that with Sickness in your corner, you know that your back is got. You know that this man is loyal ‘til the end, will die for the cause, and will not hesitate to put himself in danger in order to save his friends. That’s why Sickness has been so successful, and that’s why my boo will go on to become the single greatest star ever witness in this federation.
The crowd pop this, but some Boyo-fans boo (obviously). Sickness and Jaycey hug and the camera picks up Jaycey saying “love you, sweetie!” to Sickness. Sickness turns his attention back to Paul Heyman, looking really quite pleased with Jaycey Baby making a surprise appearance.
PH: And that’s not all! Sickness, as I said earlier your career really started to take off when you signed for and started wrestling in the Extreme Revolution - the ERE…
Many of the crowd boo the mention of the former rival federation, but a few of those smarky half prep, half vamp kids who think they are being clever and ironic by cheering…cheer.
PH: The Dark Alliance competed in one of the most brutal and innovative Ladder Matches for the Tag Team Titles at Summerslam 2004, and another huge piece of fall out happened right after Summerslam that year. Crippler retired.
Again, some of the more long-term and knowledgeable fans cheer in recognition of the great Crippler.
PH: Now Crippler was made to retire because he lost a “Title vs. Career” match with HBK, and straight after that, the ERE talent scouts were looking for the next mid-carder to step up and claim a main event position. Crippler, the King was gone…long live the new King?
A wistful smile appears on Sickness’ face as he recalls the events of autumn 2004.
PH: I was charged with finding a new kid to put in the main event scene; someone who could fill stadiums, sell tickets, draw huge crowds, and wrestle like a b*stard to boot! Paul Heyman chose you, Sickness. I hand picked you!
A lot of the crowd pop this statement, and Sickness nods at Heyman, and looks quite smug, too, it must be said.
PH: As for my next guest? Well who better to say a few words about you than the man who you had your first HUGE main even feud with? Everyone, please welcome Andy “The Heart Break Kid” GEEEEE!!!
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“Sexy Boy” kicks in and the crowd cheers quite loudly. Andy Gee appears on the stage wearing a pale grey suit, white shirt and a dark blue knitted tie, and ridiculous oversize white aviator things.
JR: Andy Gee was, without question, the biggest draw the ERE ever had. He was to the ERE what Evil Gringo is to TWOStars. Oh man, what a spectacle a match between those two men would have been like, it would have been A-Rod vs. Babe Ruth! ~slobber~
Andy Gee is clearly getting on a bit by now, so he doesn’t leap and prance and pose his way to the ring like he used to. Nah, he walks. He just walks down and genially slaps a few hands with a few hands and poses for pictures with some fans.
JR: And remains a hugely popular, and very likeable fella. Even though an awful lot of these fans never got to see this man wrestle, his name reverberates around this industry like a sonic boom.
HBK gets to the ring and climbs in, before shaking the hand of Sickness and hugging him too. “Sexy Boy” fades out slowly. Heyman takes the mic again.
PH: Wow, great to see you again Andy!
HBK: Hmm, yeah, “good” to see you too, Paul. You’re not still bitter about me taking your Commissioner of ERE job, are you? It was nearly 5 years ago.
Heyman smiles wanly but it’s clear that he’s still incredibly bitter about that piece of his history.
PH: No, of course not.
HBK: Okay.
PH: Gee, we’re not here to talk about us, we’re here to celebrate the career of this man - Sickness!!
The crowd pops again.
PH: Would you like to share a few words for us?
HBK takes the mic.
HBK: Sure I would.
HBK looks at Sickness and then to the crowd.
HBK What I will say about this man is that he gave me nightmares, and not very many people give the Heart Break Kid nightmares! This is, for real, one deadly scary son-of-a-b*tch!
Some of the crowd pop and Sickness looks to them and nods.
HBK: Yeah, you know you’re scary.
A few of the crowd laugh at this remark.
HBK: After Summerslam 2004 I honestly thought I had seen it all in this industry, I thought I had reached my zenith. Then, from outta nowhere, comes this guy. I had just retired one of the single greatest technical wrestlers of all time in Crippler and next on the agenda was this shuffling, crazy guy who spoke with a slow, high-pitched voice if he ever spoke at all, and who used to gleefully take a razor blade to his own tongue when ever a camera pointed at him.
Sickness raises an eyebrow and smiles as if he’s thinking, “ah yes, my tongue, I remember that”.
HBK: I didn’t know what to make of him. I tried out-psyching him in the main event, I tried blind-siding him, attacking him backstage, calling him out, hell I even tried to hurt his feelings~!, but not even Tha Show-Stoppah could get to Sickness. He was a total enigma, a complete mystery. Uncrackable. And that, folks, when you have to fight a man that you just don’t “get”…that is scary. For the first time in my life, this man had HBK scared. Truly scared.
A brief silence descends on the arena as the crowd, and the people in the ring, absorb the words just spoken.
JR: Powerful words coming from this truly magnificent and humble superstar.
HBK: Of course I won in the end .
The crowd laugh and applaud this!
HBK: But I’ll tell you this, and I speak from experience as I was in a totally great tag team called Badd Company with “The Fabulous One“ Fill…
Less of a pop for Fill, but he did receive a few bleats.
HBK: …and I know what it’s like to be part of a truly, truly great team… Sickness as a singles wrestler was a scary proposition, but his record as a tag team in The Dark Alliance was equally impressive. Even when Sickness was going all goth on me, The Dark Alliance were still carving up the ERE Tag Division. That’s the mark of a truly great wrestler. Sickness, it’s been a pleasure, man!
The crowd pops huge as Sickness and HBK hug good and hearty!
JR: Stirring words there from The Heart Break Kid Andy Gee! I’m not in the least bit surprised that you’ve got some huge stars coming out tonight just to pay homage to Sickness!
Heyman takes the mic again.
PH: But as the ERE came to and end, a new federation was formed, and started taking shape. That federation was, of course, TWOStars!
THE CROWD EXPLODE AT THE MENTION OF THIS!!
PH: A lot of the ERE talent jumped ship to TWOStars: your self, Barry Gower, Man Beast Rhyno, Chris2K, Iagan Hellshound - your old faction mate from Regeneration X, and a few months later, Boyo did too. But out of all of the people that left ERE to join TWOStars, no matter how briefly, no one could have expected this next guest to do th-
Suddenly, all of the arena lights go out, plunging the entire area in to pitch black darkness. Some of the crowd gasp in shock and some pop with excitement!
PH: Wh-what’s going on with the light-
BONG!
THE CROWD EXPLODE!!
JR: Oh bah Gawd, BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY could it be!? Could it BE!?
BONG!
JR: Where is he? Is that him? Is Deadman here? Where is the dead man!?
Crowd: Deadman! Deadman! Deadman! Deadman!
BONG!
Suddenly, all of the lights come back on briefly, and Sickness is in the ring completely on his own. Just as quickly as they came on, the lights go back off to pitch black.
BONG!
The lights come back on and Heyman, Jaycey Baby, HBK, Sickness and Deadman are all standing in the ring!! THE CROWD GO NUTS at this sight! They had never seen anything like that before (of course they hadn’t - it was magic).
JR: DEADMAN’S HERE! DEADMAN’S HERE! BAH GAWD, THE DEAD MAN WALKS AGAIN!
Crowd: Deadman! Deadman! Deadman! Deadman!
Heyman: Wow, now I have to admit that was cool! Heh heh! If only I did something like that in the Hammerstein Ballroom…
Deadman just glares at Heyman as Paul shoves the mic in his face.
PH: Deadman, you, of course, were the owner and President of the ERE throughout it’s history. You’ve been involved in some of the most bloody, most intense and most innovatively memorable feuds we’ve ever seen. Who could forget your Five Stages of Hell Gauntlet that you completed? Who can ever forget Crippler driving you over the end of that pier to your watery grave?
Some of the wizened ol’ b*stards in the crowd whoop and holler, but silence drowns out their smarky blitherings.
PH: Who can forget the incredible hatred you garnered from the TWOStars fans in your series of letters to Mave Deltzer…only for it to be a big joke!? Eh?
Deadman remains motionless, but a smile does creep on his face.
PH: Deadman, what have you got to say about Sickness?
Deadman, dressed in a black trench coat, smart black trousers and what looks like a grey turtle-neck, takes the mic.
Deadman: Well, Sickness came to my attention because of Eric Bischoff. Back in the day when Bischoff’s Arizona-based EWA was on its last legs and about to close down, Eric took it’s four biggest stars to Japan. Those guys were Janus (who would obviously become Sickness in the ERE), Spiritchaser, Boyo and Iagan. Bischoff called that group Regeneration X, or RX for short.
Another smallish pop from the crowd.
Deadman: Well RX completely revolutionised wrestling! They brought a frantic, ultra-real gritty element to their wrestling and their stories which completely blurred real-life. The story about Boyo using Electro Shock Therapy on Janus, and the story about Iagan and Janus being brothers, and their entangled history, was like nothing ever seen on TV before, especially in the normally prudent Japan. Regeneration X showed us how a faction could wreck havoc, earn respect, break new ground, and then spectacularly implode…all in a year or two.
Sickness smiles again and we see him say “thank you” to Deadman.
Deadman: When Bischoff came back from Japan, he mentioned RX to you, Paul Heyman, who came to me and told me that we just HAD to employ these guys. I was a bit reticent at first, seeing as we had had factions before, and we were also trying to get our new faction, The Empire (Barry Gower, MBR and C2K) over. I didn’t want another faction involved.
PH: But then Spiritchaser called it a day…
Deadman: That’s right. Spiritchaser, who by far the oldest member in RX, retired and to make matters easier, we got Iagan’s contract sorted out pretty much straight away and he debuted with us in early 2004. That meant we could introduce Iagan as a completely separate entity, allowing us to keep the brothers storyline for the future, should we want to use it.
PH: And then you signed Sickness.
The crowd pop. Deadman smiles.
Deadman: That’s when we signed Sickness and Boyo and put them together as The Dark Alliance. Those two had, for some reason, signed a short term contract in the CMLL as a Lucha Libre Team called “The Rabid Customers”, wrestling as Janus and Dragon Boy, haha!
Sickness recalls with fondness The Rabid Customers.
Come late spring 2004, The Dark Alliance had debuted in the ERE and Sickness was on his way to a frikkin’ great career. As soon as I saw Janus putting butts on seats in the Tokyo Dome I knew we had to get this guy. Yeah, the name “Janus” sucked but other than that, the man just had IT. He has something tat you just cannot put your finger on. Be that charisma, moxy, or whatever…I’ve never regretted the decision to sign Sickness to my federation.
The crowd applaud this remark and Heyman is looking rather pleased with how this is going, as is Sickness. Heyman continues his role as the host.
PH: Thanks Deadman for joining us out here, but now, Sickness, we have a couple of very special guests I bet you’d never see again!
JR: Ooh, who could it be?
The arena lights turn gold as bathe the entire place is a mellow gold hue. Then, all of a sudden, 1990’s rock anthem “Down” by 311 kicks in and the crowd get excited and also confused in equal measures. JR knows exactly what 311’s music means though!
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JR: Bah Gawd, I never thought I’d hear that music ever again! That’s the Regeneration X Theme!!
PH: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome ORIGINAL RX MEMBERS….Iagan Hellshound and Spiritchaser!!!
The crowd, after being told of the significance of the theme music now begin to understand, and get out of their seats in recognition.
JR: Iagan is still, of course an active member of the TWOStars roster, but all the same, it’s all too easy to forget that despite his place on the card now as a part-time talent…and an older, more eccentric member of the roster at that…Iagan has a genuine history of one of the most dangerous, sad*stic and violent hardcore-style wrestlers the world has ever seen.
Iagan is sporting the burns on his face but is wearing his old RX costume: tight black leggings, gold boots and a (what’s best described) curry-sauce coloured vest. Spiritchaser is decked out in his brilliant, luxurious black and gold robe, with his hair pulled back in a ponytail. His hair is completely grey now, and his face looks quite haggard, after 30 years of taking barb-wire baseball bats to the face.
JR: Spiritchaser, that old mystic, he’s still looking like a million buck. It’s so fantastic seeing this old faction turning back the clock! And look at the people in the ring! Just look at THAT!
In the ring, and making the crowd EXPLODE in cheers, Deadman, HBK, Sickness, Jaycey Baby and Paul Heyman all get down to their knees and do the ol’ “we’re not worthy” gesture.
JR: Folks, that is respect for you. The RX name still commands nothing but love and respect here at TWOStars!
Spiritchaser and Iagan get in to the ring, and by now Sickness’ eyes are beginning to redden and water. Some of the people in the crowd are choking back the tears, too. “Down” by 311 fades out and everyone is back on their feet again. Spiritchaser and Iagan both hug Sickness and HBK, Deadman and LaRoque make sure they get to shake hands with and say hello to Spiritchaser, and also Iagan.
PH: Wow, what a treat this is! Regeneration X reunited for the first time in over 6 years! You guys, in the early noughties, in the EWA and then later in New Japan, revolutionised wrestling as we know it, and arguably gave birth to wrestling as we see it today, where promoters and writers desperately try to blur the lines between kayfabe and reality.
JR: Erm-
Paul Heyman anticipates JR might have something to say and cuts him off.
PH: Oh they know what kayfabe is, JR!
JR: Hmph!
The crowd pop and laugh and applaud Paul Heyman, and begin a small, loutish, but ultimately brief “E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub!” chant. Heyman smiles.
PH: But I’ve got to ask you to shed some light on what it was like working with this man.
Spiritchaser: A consummate professional. A dedicated, hard-working craftsman who gives so much of himself to everything that he does.
Iagen: Plus he booked all of our hotel rooms!
The crowd laugh. Sickness smiles and hugs Iagan, his “brother”.
Spiritchaser: Most of my good work was done in the EWA, and I thought I would start my career there, and end my career, and for 28 years that’s all I knew. I started off as a green-as-grass rookie way back in 1973, back when the EWA was in the hands of Native Americans in Maricopa County, Arizona, with events being held in their casino just south of Scottsdale. When we got to the mid 1990’s, I had been the champion for the best part of 14 years, only not holding that belt a couple of times. I had refused offers to join ECW, WCW, WWE, NWA-TNA…the works. I was perfectly content where I was.
Iagan nods in agreement.
SC: Then these two young men from England arrive and really shake the place up. Janus and Dr Boyo brought a rich, much-needed invigoration to not just the tired ol’ EWA but also to Spiritchaser. Within a year of meeting this guy, and seeing the enthusiasm and dedication - not to mention his immense talent - I knew that I had to expand my wrestling horizons. I had spent 28 years in the EWA but the final 2 years, where we formed RX, flew to Japan and created headlines and sold out arenas were something that I’ll not ever forget, and that I owe to this man.
Everyone in the arena, it seems, applauds the words of the wise ol’ sage, Spiritchaser.
ITH: Sickness, no matter what the writers say, or the promoters say, or what the fans believe, or whatever…I still and always have seen you as a brother, man. Thanks for the great memories.
The crowd pop and applaud as Sickness, by now, is barely containing his emotions. Heyman gets the biggest grin of the night on his face all of a sudden!
PH: But Sickness, no matter what people think of you, or how people remember, you will forever be associated with another person…
The crowd begin to rumble and stir and get a bit animated.
PH: A man who started his career as your valet all the way in Doncaster, before being trained in the Art of wrestling by none other than you, before travelling around the world with you to Scottsdale Arizona, Tokyo Japan, Guadalajara Mexico and now the US. A man who has been in three tag teams with you: RX, The Rabid Customers and of course…The Dark Alliance.
The crowd really get excited now and get to their feet and start chanting!
Crowd: Boyo! Boyo! Boyo! Boyo! Boyo! Boyo!
PH: A man who you have competed with, held gold with, and have intertwined your career with, basically from day one until now. Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you…
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“Blue Monday” by New Order kicks in and well, that’s it really, the crowd go absolutely f*cking NUTS!
PH: BOYO!!!!
Sickness leaps up and down on the spot with a look of complete joy on his face. The CROWD ARE GOING BARMY AT THE SIGHT OF BOYO!!!
JR: BOYO IS HERE! BOYO IS HERE! Bah Gawd this ceremony is surely complete!?
The three in-ring members of RX all look really pleased and start applauding. Even Spiritchaser is wiping away a tear of joy.
JR: This is the first time that all four members of Regeneration X have been in a wrestling ring at the same time since Spiritchaser wrestled his final match in Japan, over 7 years ago!
Boyo is wearing RX colours. Instead of wearing his more familiar green and white garb, he’s wearing a black suit with a whit shirt, and gold tie…and a white lab coat. He strides to the ring, looking dead ahead at the ring, with a bit of a smirk on his face.
JR: Dr Boyo! Dr Boyo! Dr Boyo has been re-born. What a flashback this is. A blast from the past!
Boyo gets to the ring, hops nimbly up the ring steps, wipes his feet on the apron and climbs in to the ring, hugging Spiritchaser, Heyman, Iagan, HBK, Deadman and Jaycey Baby.
Crowd: BOYO! BOYO! BOYO! BOYO! BOYO! BOYO!
“Blue Monday” fades out and everyone in the ring, moves to the ropes, leaving Boyo and Sickness in the middle of the ring…both with mics.
Sickness: Mr Boyo! You’re here! I’m so happy that you’re here and that you have forgiven me for what I did to you!
Boyo just looks at Sickness, with no real anger or frustration, or love, or anything etched on his face. He just looks at Sickness, and then looks at the crowd and then back at Sickness.
JR: We have The Dark Alliance AND Regeneration X reunited in that ring, and Boyo is still as insanely popular as he ever was!
Crowd: One more match! One more match! One more match! One more match!
Boyo smirks. Sickness is nodding in agreement with the crowd. He too is saying “one more match” to Boyo, and pointing at himself and then at Boyo again, as if to say “as The Dark Alliance! One more match as The Dark Alliance!”
JR: Oh man, I would pay to see The Dark Alliance wrestle together again.
Boyo continues to stare at Sickness, before putting the mic to his lips.
Boyo: No.
JR: WHAT!?
Boyo: No. Never. I am never wrestling with you, or against, you, or without you…ever again.
JR: Oh man, I never expected to hear that.
Sickness looks shocked and confused.
Sickness: B-but Mr Boyo, I thought you came out here because you had forgiven me my indiscretions.
Boyo laughs at this.
Boyo: FORGIVEN!? You!? Don’t make me laugh.
Crowd: Boooooooooooo!!!
Boyo: Tell me Mr Sickness, why would I forgive you? Despite the fact that I got a call this morning when I was sitting on a sun-lounger enjoying a breakfast burrito and dodging Swine Flu in Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cancun in Muh-Muh-Muh-MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMexi-
Crowd: Cohhhh!!!
JR: Heh. I love that.
Boyo: I love it too, JR.
JR: But-
Boyo: Despite ol’ Mr Boyo taking a great chunk out of day, making travel plans, and flying all the way out here to see you... you think I did this because I forgive you!?
Sickness: You haven’t forgiven me?
Boyo: Why would I forgive a cowardly backstabber, Sickness?
Crowd: Ohhhhh!
Boyo: Why would I forgive a man who called me out of one of my many - but in all fairness I genuinely thought my final - retirements last Christmas, beg me to get back in shape, despite the horrendous state my body is in now due to injury, get back in the ring as The Dark Alliance, take on the almighty force of Arron Winter and Edward Samson, get on the cusp of what would have been a tremendous “good bye” victory before - well - before KICKING ME IN THE FACE and DESTROYING 15 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP!?
JR: This runs deep, folks.
Boyo: Because what you did that night, Paul, it didn’t just destroy 15 years of Dale and Paul; of Dr Boyo and The Big Red Truck; of Dragon Boy and Janus; of RX; of The Dark Alliance…it broke my f*cking heart man.
Crowd: Booooooooo
JR: The crowd are booing but it’s difficult to tell what exactly they are booing.
Boyo: That night, after TWOStars Seasons Beatings 2008, when I drove back home, alone, and opened the front door to my house to my wife, Mrs Boyo, and my two children, Lil Boyos…who had just watched their husband and father being KICKED IN THE FACE BY HIS BROTHER hours earlier, I had to console them, I had to wipe the tears from their crying faces and let them know that their daddy had lost his final match, and that they would never see you again.
Crowd: Ohh.
The crowd do also fall a lot more quiet after statement.
Boyo: And then they all started crying again. Mrs Boyo knew she would never be able to invite Gemma around for a (ahem) a “Champagne Afternoon” or again help out with Gemma’s fundraisers. I had to tell my children that they would never again see their favourite uncle.
Boyo looks to the canvas and then back up at Sickness again, now Boyo has a few tears in his eyes.
Boyo: My kids loved you, man. My kids called you “Uncle”.
Crowd: Boooooo! Boyo! Boyo! Boyo!
Sickness: I’m sorry Dale, man. I never meant fo-
Boyo: YOU DID!
Crowd: Ohh!
Boyo: You DID, Sickness! You did! You did mean it. You meant every single little bit of it!! You have this reputation of being this loyal, faithful servant. This unbreakable friend; this rock that will never once leave their friend’s side. The worst thing about this is that we all buy in to it. Into this…this…myth that Sickness will stand by his friends through thick and thin and will die for them, would lay down his own life to protect the ones he loves.
Sickness just looks at Boyo bewildered. Honestly, it looks as though his heart is breaking right there. Boyo continues…
Boyo: But let’s look at your record, shall we? How did RX implode? It was because of YOU! It was YOU has Iagan Hellshound committed to a mental hospital whilst you swanned off to Mexico and fought Tiger Mask IV. It was YOU who hand-picked Twiggie to join The Dark Alliance before, but months down the road…hanging him out to dry, and now look at him! The poor man is busking around the US a broken man, forever looking for the dried up husk of him that used to be his energy for life.
JR: Anyone who reads the Dirt Sheet will have seen that we checked in on Twiggie recently.
Boyo: You then kicked your BROTHER, ME! BOYO! In the face, forever destroying the 6 year legacy of The Dark Alliance. Everything we had busted our guts for, all that gold, all those awesome matches, p*ssed away with one swoop of your boot. And to make it worse, the chump that you gave up on The Dark Alliance for, Arron Winter, well you sold him down the river when it suited you, too!
The crowd really start booing now, but by now it’s becoming clear that they are booing Sickness.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!!
Boyo: You sir, YOU are a f*cking disgrace.
Crowd: Ohhhhh!
JR: Oh brother, folks, I apologise for the language, tensions are running high here, emotions are surfacing. Emotions that perhaps we never thought we’d see.
Boyo: You shouldn’t have called your self “Janus” all those years ago, back in the LWL in Doncaster.
Sickness just looks at Boyo, bewildered and upset.
Boyo: You should have called your self “JUDAS”!
Crowd: Ohh!
JR: Strong words from Boyo there.
Boyo: Paul, I’ve been involved in many bad things in this industry. I’ve been robbed out of ever holding Tag Team gold in the ERE due to backstage politics.
Boyo looks at a wild-eyed Deadman.
Boyo: Sorry, DM, but it’s true. I’ve been made to retire twice by Maquina Da Lucha, who just snuck up on me and Germanned me into steel steps, I’ve even been screwed out of a series win by Johnny Rockefeller.
The crowd boo the mention of Johnny “The Colt” Rockefeller.
JR: Who could forget their best of 5 series last year? Boyo thought he had won the series 3-1, retiring J-Rock before his career got started, before a legal loophole meant that a result was reversed and they went in to Wrestlenova tying at 2-2.
Boyo: But I can live with that, because even though Gay-Rock…
The crowd laugh.
Boyo: Heh, yeah…because even though J-Rock exploited some obscure legal thingamajig… I think he found my ol’ Poke-In-The-Eye to be deemed “illegal” or something, lol. Heh …the kid still pulled out the performance of his life and beat me fairly and squarely in that ring, in a Hell in a Cell.
The crowd boo a lot for this, but fair play to them, some applaud. J-Rock may be a douche bag of biblical proportions but he did outwrestle Boyo in a Hell in a Cell at ‘Nova.
Boyo: Did I just actually say “lol”? Heh. I’m so scene.
The crowd laugh.
Crowd: Boyo! Boyo! Boyo! Boyo!
Boyo: But you, Paul? We’re over. Finished. You’re dead to me.
Crowd: Ohh!
Boyo: Make no bones about it, man. I have a lot to thank you for. You trained me, you were by my side for nigh-on 15 years, and even though I could see you were capable of betrayal…. I never really thought that you were capable of betraying me. ME!!
The crowd don’t really know what to do, and neither does Sickness. He just looks lost and heart-broken in the ring. Heyman, Jaycey, HBK, Deadman, Iagan and Spiritchaser all look a bit unnerved, a bit awkward, as if they don’t know what to do next.
Boyo: Sickness, you’ll probably go on to have one hell of a career; you’ve got the talent man, I can’t deny that. It’s just a shame that you had to be the way you are to accomplish it. Good bye.
And with that, Boyo turns on his heels and goes to exit the ring.
BOOOO!
Stunned by everything he just heard, Sickness, still looking for answers, rushes forward, and grabs Boyo by the shoulder.
Sickness: BOYO!
Boyo, having already said what he had to say, spins around, his face suddenly a picture of aggression. Despite Boyo no longer speaking into the microphone, it's still clear that he's something along the lines of, "Get your ducking hands off me Paul".
(Well, SOMETHING along those lines.)
Boyo again turns to leave the ring, but, again, Sickness grabs him and pulls him back in. As he does, Boyo, sick of this, swings a wild right hand.
JR: Boyo just tried to punch Sickness!
Sickness, a master of ring awareness, ducks and with incredible speed, throws a right of his own, that blasts Boyo square in the jaw, knocking the former world champ right onto his back side.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sickness looks more stunned than anyone by what he just did.
Sickness: Mr. Boyo! Are you okay!? I... I didn't mean it... it was a reflex... I'm sorry Mr. Boyo!
Boyo rolls under the bottom rope and, holding his jaw, simply stares up at Sickness, shaking his head. The Sick One looks absolutely distraught, tugging at his hair, clearly holding back tears as he just mouths, "I'm sorry" over and over again.
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JR: Oh what does he want!?
Johnny Rockefeller, white suited as per usual steps out onto the stage area. He looks like a happy, happy man.
The crowd reaction is... conflicted, but what's for sure is that a good 30% or more of the crowd is... cheering Johnny Rockefeller.
JRock: Sickness, Sickness, Sickness, look at this, I try to make things better between us, throwing you a nice little ego party, but you end up punching your "best friend" square in the face.
BOOOOOO!
JRock: You see, Sicko, I was hoping that by organising this little get together, I could remind you of your glory days, of that fire that burns in the heart of every wrestler, but really, REALLY, all anyone is reminded of tonight is that you're a fraud...
YEAH!
JRock: A fake...
YEAH!
JRock: And a looser! And, tonight, finally, the Rockephiles of the world are united in knowing just... what... you... are!
The camera shows an absolutely distraught Sickness, kneeling in the centre of the ring, tears in his eyes.
Sickness: ....why?.... why?
JRock: Why!? You dare ask WHY!? maybe it's because last week you cost me the chance to fulfill my destiny and become Triple Crown Champion at Zero Tolerance, MAYBE, it's because you're still wasting my time with you're pointless grudges and demands for matches when I've moved on to bigger and better things, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, it's because I'm Johnny Rockefeller....
Crowd: AND I DO WHATEVER THE F*CK I WANT!
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Rockefeller's face looks like the man may have just cum his ice white pants. J Rock drops down to his knees, as if his legs can't hold the weight of his own greatness. It's now Johnny who has tears in his eyes as his looks out in the crowd, mouthing, "Thank you.... thank you".
THANK YOU J ROCK
THANK YOU J ROCK
THANK YOU J ROCK
Rockefeller's face looks like he's literally gone insane. All he can do is grin wildly and stare, wide eyes, out into the crowd. Johnny runs his hands through his hair, slowly, unsure how to handle what he's wanted for so long: a positive reaction. In the ring, Sickness is the exact opposite. He looks like a completely broken man, on his knees, alone, in the middle of the ring he's been working in his whole life, abandoned by his friends, mocked by his enemies, and now, finally, booed by his fans. Sickness simply stares down at the mat, shaking his head, as we fade out to an advert break.
Edited by John Hanco*ck
