How ‘next-level helicopter parents’ are tracking their adult children, stunting them (2024)

Rising parental anxiety is resulting in “next-level helicopter parents” for college students, a psychotherapist told Fox News Digital – and others agree that as well-intentioned as it may be, it can create harm in the long run.

“There’s no doubt [that]parents aremore anxious and more intrusive than ever,” Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist in Manhattan and Washington, D.C., and author of the book “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days” told Fox News Digital via email on Tuesday.

Some parents, Alpert said, “track their kids via apps and even attempt to connect with professors.”

As college classes resume, social media posts abound from anxious parents asking if they should be calling their child’s RA (resident assistant), intervening in roommate issues or even driving to campus to help their child make friends.

An August 29 post on Reddit’s “r/College” page from a person who claimed to be afirst-year studentat Yale detailed how her parents are “constantly tracking” her – even setting a bedtime.

“They stipulate that I must be in bed, in my dorm, by 10 every night. I have switched my location in Find My to my iPad, which I leave in my dorm, and I pause my location in Life 360 to get around this,” said Reddit user “Sageshrub.” Life360 is a location-sharing app.

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Sageshrub wrote that her mother “called my school’s police dispatch and found out where I was” after she did not answer the phone.

“She then emailed my dean and wants me to withdraw from school,” she said, adding that the “controlling behavior makes me soanxious and depressed— does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to finally get some peace?”

Fox News Digital reached out to Sageshrub for any updates.

This type of over-the-top behavior from parents is not entirely unheard of, said Alpert.

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“In my own practice, I have had many parents reach out to me on behalf of their young adult child to attempt to set up therapy appointments,” he said. The behavior is rooted in parental anxiety more than the inability of a young adult to make an appointment, he said.

“Many parents who have a strong emotional bond with their child might feel an equally strong sense of loss as their kid goes off to college,” said Alpert.

The use of appsto track their children gives the parent “a sense of control and reassurance, and helps quell their anxiety.”

He suggests parents “strike a balance” – one that lets them grow as an independent adult.

One thing that parents today are experiencing is “worry about worry, or anxiety about the possibility of anxiety,” Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD, told Fox News Digital. Hartstein Psychological Services, PLLC, is based in New York.

“The problem with this is that it does ultimately trickle down to their college-aged child, creating worry in them, as well,” she said via email.

During the start of college, it is “normal” for young people to undergo what Hartstein called an “adjustment period” – “anxiety, sadness, some difficulty settling in.” She said that “many parents react strongly to this, feeling as though their child is really suffering rather than navigating typical reactions to novelty and change.”

These parents “try to swoop in” and fix the problem – but by doing so, they prevent “growth, learning and resilience.”

“While it may seem easier for parents to just step in, and it does alleviate the parents’anxiety, it actually does a real disservice to the young people,” she said.

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Instead, “parents need to slow down, get their own reactions under control, and help to teach and guide their children rather than do it for them,” said Hartstein.

But for some new college students, their parents are simply doing what they have always done: helicopter over them.

‘Helicopter parents for years’

Parents who engage in this behavior are “preventing their child from learning how to be an independent functioning adult,” Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the “How Can I Help?” podcast, told Fox News Digital via email.

Many of these parents, said Saltz, “have been helicopter parents for many years, smoothing the way, helping their kids avoid mistakes or failures, [and] taking care of problems their children encounter.”

Being a helicopter parent with a successful child is a core part of their identity, she explained. “Their child’s successes [are] a reflection in their mind of their vigilant parenting, and the struggles of their children mean they aren’t doing a good enough job.”

Yet raising young people in this manner is not setting them up for success into adulthood.

Independent, functioning adults are those “with confidence in their own ability to manage life, from learning how to make mistakes and get back up,” she said.

That means they have the ability to learn from their mistakes and to gain confidence in their academic abilities – something that cannot happen if a parent is constantly tracking them and editing their homework.

“Now you have some parent-made realities that make this the first time these kids are on their own to manage both concrete and emotional tasks that will cause struggle,” said Saltz.

The anxiety around the potential of a child experiencing struggle, coupled with the near-certainty of something going awry the first time a child is on their own, “creates a recipe for extreme college helicoptering,” said Saltz.

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‘Not losing your teenager’

Parents who send their children to college need to “understand that you’re not losing your teenager,” Alpert told Fox News Digital, adding that “your childgoing off to college is a sign you did everything right.”

A parent should “trust you’ve taught your child well, and that he/she will know how to handle the many challenges that lie ahead, and that is part of character building.”

Someone struggling with these emotions, he said, should “re-frame it and recognize it as progress and accomplishment.”

Additionally, said Alpert, “next-level helicopter parents” should work on their own mental state. “Remember, stress can be contagious, and naturally, your child will want to comfort you,” he said.

A child who feels as if he or she is responsible for quelling a parent’s anxiety may have issues with assimilating into college life, said Alpert.

“It can also put them in a tough spot where they feel torn: Take care of the parents’ emotions or go out there and experience autonomy,” he said.

Instead, an anxious parent should seek out other parents for support, said Alpert.

“They’ll understand your emotions, and you can be each other’s best buddies through this transition,” he said.

How ‘next-level helicopter parents’ are tracking their adult children, stunting them (2024)

FAQs

How to reverse the effects of helicopter parenting? ›

The key to changing parenting style is to listen more to your teenager. You are moving from protector to enabler. Stop solving problems for them, defer to them to make the final decision even if you know it is perhaps a mistake.

Could your helicopter parenting actually be detrimental to your child's development? ›

Multiple studies over the past decade summarize the social and psychological risks of being a helicopter parent's child. These kids are less open to new ideas and activities and more vulnerable, anxious and self-conscious.

What is the helicopter mom syndrome? ›

Helicopter parenting refers to an overprotective and very involved parenting style. Just like a helicopter hovers, so do these parents. They typically involve themselves in all aspects of their children's lives, sometimes to the detriment of the kids.

How damaging is helicopter parenting? ›

Hovering parents can negatively impact children's ability to build a sense of their own competence. But, in addition, there are also negative effects of helicopter parenting on adults, including: Feeling out of control and angry when children and teens resist their attempts to be involved.

What is a snowplow parent? ›

Snowplow parenting, also called lawnmower parenting or bulldozer parenting, is a parenting style that seeks to remove all obstacles from a child's path so they don't experience pain, failure, or discomfort.

Is helicopter parenting enmeshment? ›

Helicopter parenting represents a type of enmeshment. Parents naturally want to protect their kids from physical or emotional harm. However, healthy child-rearing allows children to work through their difficulties and learn from their mistakes.

How do I let go of being a helicopter parent? ›

Here are 10 ways to not be a helicopter parent:
  1. Don't do it all for them. ...
  2. Allow them to be uneasy. ...
  3. Don't rescue them. ...
  4. Listen to them. ...
  5. Let them fail. ...
  6. Don't bail them out when they mess up. ...
  7. Teach them coping strategies. ...
  8. Encourage independent thinking.
Nov 14, 2019

What is a real life example of helicopter parenting? ›

For example, a helicopter parent may do their child's homework or a high school project to ensure they get a good grade or so the child doesn't have to stress over it. It is common for a helicopter parent not to want to see their child fail. Because of this, they may over-involve themselves in their children's lives.

What is a tiger parenting style? ›

Tiger parenting is a form of strict parenting, whereby parents are highly invested in ensuring their children's success. Specifically, tiger parents push their children to attain high levels of academic achievement or success in high-status extracurricular activities such as music or sports.

What is the lighthouse parenting style? ›

Lighthouse parenting

Ginsburg writes: "We should be like lighthouses for our children. Stable beacons of light on the shoreline from which they can measure themselves against." The lighthouse parenting style involves finding the perfect balance between loving, protecting, communicating, and nurturing your child.

What is the rushing parent syndrome? ›

What is Hurried Child Syndrome? It is conditions in which parents over-schedule their children's lives, push them hard for academic achievement, and expect them to act and react like miniature adults. children are exerted just as much pressure as they exert on themselves on a daily basis.

Is helicopter parenting a form of narcissism? ›

Helicoptering's Psychological Impact #1: Higher Levels Of Narcissism. Helicopter parents often protect their children from failures, praise them excessively, and make them the centre of their lives, which can lead the children to constantly seek attention.

What is the new term for helicopter parents? ›

You might be seeing references to this new parenting term for the first time in the media. A hummingbird parent is the toned-down counterpart of the helicopter parent, as you might expect. A hummingbird parent watches over their little ones, but they don't meddle too much in their decisions.

Is helicopter parenting a form of neglect? ›

In the ever-evolving landscape of parenting, the term “helicopter parenting” has become a buzzword, describing a style characterized by overinvolvement and excessive hovering. While helicopter parents may have the best intentions, their actions can lead to unintended consequences, particularly when it comes to neglect.

What causes a parent to be a helicopter parent? ›

Common Causes of Helicopter Parenting

These parents want to protect their children from any harm, failure, and disappointment. They exert control and closely monitor their children's behavior to appease these anxieties. Helicopter parents may also have a powerful, overbearing desire for their children to succeed.

Is a helicopter parent a narcissist? ›

Helicoptering's Psychological Impact #1: Higher Levels Of Narcissism. Helicopter parents often protect their children from failures, praise them excessively, and make them the centre of their lives, which can lead the children to constantly seek attention.

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